Failed Leadership

Last night I sat down and watched three hours of Gandhi. It was a fast day and I figured this movie was a win-win. Gandhi leads through hunger strikes and we would be very hungry at the end of the longest fast day of the year (Jews fast 5 times a year - winter ones being the best!). Plus it is a three hour plus long movie which would take us right to the end of the fast at 9:30pm if I timed it right. The last hours are always the hardest. So here we were gathered, me and three of my children, watching the tale of a leader who fought two countries for the rights and equality of his Indian people.

Although I had last seen the movie back in the 1990's (remember the intermission in the middle?), I was watching through a very different lens this time. I am putting together a leadership book and movie club and thought that Gandhi would be a wonderful addition to this offering.

There is no question that Gandhi was a strong leader who had many followers. He accomplished a great deal - no small part of it Indian rights in South Africa and the independent India as part of the British Commonwealth. And he did it all while staying true to his authentic self - non-violence as the means of change.

But, as I asked my kids over our break-fast, was he successful? We should not confuse accomplishment with success. Gandhi was very accomplished. He brought about much needed change. Yet toward the end of the movie Gandhi says, "I failed." He is referring to his dream of a united India where religious differences do not affect social treatment, where Hindus and Muslims live and rule together. This does not happen. India is split into India and Pakistan and people are forced from one country to the other depending on their religion. This dream is unfinished. And in truth, this was Gandhi's fight all along - equality and tolerance for all under the same flag.

Leadership Lesson: When we reach for the BHAG, the Big Hairy Audacious Goal (from Jim Collins), it is very possible that we will come up short. We will hopefully accomplish a great deal along the way. We can become great people, great leaders and even revered. We can also fail in our leadership mission. It will happen. Not everyone can succeed. Just like in the Bible we learn from great leaders that we will not always succeed, but we must make the quest. Aim really high - some of us will succeed.

I'm Not Afraid

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road


Now I have to admit I am the furthest thing from an Eminem fan. As a protective mother of four, I hear his voice on the radio and immediately reach for the button to change channels. It was only after some incessant pleading from my teenager that this was "honestly" a great song that I would like, did I even give it my cynical half ear.


Let me also say that while I think this is a great message to kids and adults alike, I am only recommending the clean version. I guess it was too much to think that this rapper would clean up both his message and his language. But with the bleeping or silent skipping of offensive words, this song does has a lot of heart.


And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now


Change. Hope. This is the real message. These are not words to be bantered about in a political campaign. These are words to live by. We can change. We all have hope. Today things can be different.

The real poignant point of this song, though, is that in order to change, you cannot be afraid. How many times do we look around and think I would like to change, but...
We list fear after fear that keep us from changing. Our nature is to be afraid.

The Israelites in the desert kept running into their fear even as they were under the aegis of God. How many times did they fear for their lives? In this week's Torah portion, another version of the same fear is recorded. There was no water and the people gathered against Moses and Aaron. "Why have you brought us into this wilderness that we and our cattle should die here?" (Deut. 20, 4) Our most basic fear of death.

The Israelites needed to change. They had to cease being slaves and grow into citizens. But their fear kept them from realizing their dream. No one of this generation entered the land of Israel. The fear was too overwhelming. And it cost them.

What would it look like to change our sentence from "I would like to change, but..." to "I would like to change, and..." I recognize my fear. It is a natural part of me - and - I am going to choose to be fearless - to forge ahead without dwelling on the risk.

Leadership lesson: Tackle your own demons, challenges and goals without fear. You will feel the fear. Turn it into adrenaline to keep you moving toward your objective. Notice the fear creeping in. And, as Eminem sings, take confidence from knowing that others have faced down their fears as well. Find support - holla if you feel you've been down the same road.

Looking in the Mirror

I almost hit a man with my car today. I was waiting at a light in a three lane road. As usual while waiting for the green I was checking my email. I sensed the car to my left begin to move. I quickly put down my phone and took my foot off the brake, beginning to move. My eyes looked up at the same time but only sharply gained focus a few seconds later when I saw a man crossing in front of my car. Well, more like jumping a few feet in the air, arms flailing, screeching, in front of my car. I had scared him as my car jumped toward him walking across the street. Immediately, my blink reaction was to stop the car and glance a t the light. It was green.

My first thought, 'OMG! I almost hit that guy!" was quickly followed by "He was totally crossing on my green light - what was he thinking?" I could have stopped there. And truth be told, most days I probably would have. He was clearly in the wrong. Today, I thought, would it have mattered that he was wrong if I had hit him? Maybe it would have assuaged some guilt, but clearly I would have been devastated by hurting someone. So, instead I thought about what I could have done differently to avoid even coming close to this tragedy again.

My commitment to not looking at my email lasted two more red lights but I did retain the conviction to put the phone down and fully look at the street before venturing out.

Leadership Lesson: Sure many times other people are to blame for bad situations. But it does us no good to stop there. Great leaders ask: What did I do to contribute to the outcome? How can I act differently next time that might make a difference? The emphasis is on the outcome not the blame.

Inflated Times

Over a lovely Memorial Day weekend I happened to spend some time at the Asbury Park boardwalk. There is this really cool place (both cool interesting, and cool air conditioned) on the corner right next to the Stone Pony, early stage of Bruce Springsteen. It is the Silverball Pinball museum - a free play museum of pinball machines from the 1960's to today. You pay a flat fee and then play as much as you want for the hour purchased.

Here's what I noticed while the bells were ringing all around me racking up points. On the 1960's machines scores were recorded in 10,000's. By the time you got to the 1980's, scores were regularly in the 100,000's with high scores around 250,000. The 1990's, however, were posting scores in the millions. Hundreds of millions if you were up on the leader board.

What happened?

I dare say the games looked more flashy but the essential pinball was the same in 1960 as in 1990. You just earned a lot more for each hit. What is it about our culture that so defines ourselves by numbers that our games reflect the inflated worth of generations?

Interestingly, we have just started reading the Book of Numbers. Our Jewish tradition chose to call this book "numbers" in English, not "Desert" or even "wanderings" which would be much closer to the Hebrew name of the book - bamidbar.

Numbers are a way to define ourselves - a millionaire, one in a million, he looks like a million bucks. To many, although not to me I must confess, the aura of a million has lost its luster. What can you do with a million now - it's the billionaires who are really awed. (I'd still be ecstatic with the million) So if I want you to feel special, I'd better say you are one in a billion. And honey, you look like a billion bucks.

The number of Jews is a way of measuring ourselves not only physically but spiritually. (Many people object to numbering Jews due to Germany's branding of numbers on Jews in WW2. I graciously respect this opinion and would like to focus on the biblical concept of numbering through coins and other means to ascertain a population) We are succeeding when our numbers are high. Abraham was only one man, yet he and Sarah started something that now numbers in the tens of millions. Is it enough? Do we need to stretch for billions? Will that mean more?

We are playing a numbers game. We are losing more and more Jews to assimilation and disinterest. Where are those boundaries? When do the numbers scream out to us -- beware! The ship is sinking.

These are some good questions. I'd love to hear your opinions. What do you think?